You always admire what you really don't understand.
Please love me or I'll be gone.
Jocelyn Tan
23 March 1994
i always fall for anything and everything
that i know its impossible for me to have them.
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Monday, July 07, 2008, 7/07/2008 01:53:00 AM
Just a random post after his call.
its 2am now! i wonder why you've always mean so much to me.
i can't figure out.
i might just be treating you like a friend,
like you do.
but i don't know why i always smile over your msg,
even it can be just a simple word.
i've been always waiting for your call,
hoping you would call,
even if the whole conversation, you are just crapping,
just making fun of me,
i nv wanted to hang,
everytime i hang up, thinking back of what u just said,
i would smile.
u wouldn't know how much you have make a difference in my life,
even i don't know,
i hav always wanted to talk to you in sch,
and maybe just a simple greeting or smile,
i just can't look at you in your eyes,
the moment i see you,
the first thing i would do is to turn and run,
but i would still peep at you at a corner.
i've been asking myself how important are you,
and i really wish to know,
exactly where i stand in your heart.
rumours are rumours.
what i wanted to hear, is from your heart,
i've longed for that.
every conversation with you is so short,
yet so meaningful.
missing a call of yours,
can really make me bang the wall and slap myself.
although we didn't talk much now as compared to last time,
this indeed make me cherish every conversation with you.
your voice make me smile.
you have always been so different from the others.
i was randomly asked to choose,
IF ... and u was standing in front of me, who would i choose,
i paused for awhile,
thinking really hard,
asking myself,
and in the end, i answered,
i would choose you even if i know ... who treat me better.
i can hate you for spending so much time on games,
but the next min when your call/msg came,
i forget everything,
i can hate you for forgetting everything i told you,
even my secret which not much ppl know,
i told you, and u forgotten,
u made me a birthday card but i haven recieve it from you,
its been 4 months,
and you can even forgot my birthday and asked me when is it,
at that moment, i can only feel the pain in my heart,
and the disappointment in you.
sometimes, i really wonder, how much i meant to you?
even a normal fren's birthday and u can forget?
thinking of how we started talking at first,
how i gt to know you,
how i went crazy when i saw u every morning at the interchange in sec1,
how i looked for your blog, friendster acc,
just to know more about you,
how i added you as a fren,
how i left u a friendster msg,
how u gave me your no.,
how i started sms-ing you,
how i gave you the name, bigbigsenior.
how i confess to you,
how i made you angry,
how we then started smsing everyday,
how u always talk to me when u are working,
complaining how tired you are,
how u wanted to call me to chat,
but i don't want,
and one day, u called,
i jump around the house while talking to you,
smiling like an idiot,
sweating cold sweat.
from then on, we would talk almost every night,
it's like a routine in my life,
suddenly, sch reopened,
u started getting hooked onto games,
lesser contact.
till today, i still think i am still your friend,
but sometimes, it's better to be like this.
You just called, and told me that u went off9,
and your frens just left your house,
asking me why am i still doing my hw at this hour,
telling me to go sleep, and continue doing the next day,
the voice, and the concern,
after u hang up, i felt really emotional,
thinking about alot of stuffs,
thinking if what i am doing right now is right,
thinking about how would i face you if it really happens,
you are the reason to many of my doings and decisions.
i can give this person up bcos of you..
i can walk this road bcos i wan to see you..
i can stay up the night just to acc you..
i can bear with mum's scoldings just to continue talking to you.
concern.
maybe it's just normal to be concern for friends,
worrying that i would get a scolding is what u always do.
saw my PM, and you would start insisting that i had a bf,
saying i wanna go out tmr, can also make u insist that i am going out with my bf.
all this small little stuff that u once said,
have always meant so much to me,
even if u mean nth.
knowing that u have sore throat,
i would think of ways to buy throat-smoothing sweets for u,
but in the end, i was so afraid that your friends might know,
and start teasing you,
and i think u do mind.
u told me you dare to pick up my call infront of your frens,
i am glad.
u told me you had a very close friend who always buy food for u,
but u nv let me do that,
i am jealous.
bcos i am afraid u do mind your friend's teasing,
i nv smile,greet, talk to you in sch.
cos i nv know if u do be willing to see me do these.
how u look and think of me is so important.
just one simple comment from you, i would be
pondering over it for days.
it's just such a random post,
i expect it to be short,
but now.... hohohoho!
i think i should go to sleep now,
and continue doing my hw tmr!
i don't think i would be going anywhere tmr.
gosh, guilty guilty!
p/s: scroll down for new post :D
Labels: 我总会不知不决的笑.