You always admire what you really don't understand.
Please love me or I'll be gone.
Jocelyn Tan
23 March 1994
i always fall for anything and everything
that i know its impossible for me to have them.
Jocelyn Tan's Profile
Create Your Badge
Monday, August 18, 2008, 8/18/2008 03:54:00 PM
如果我放弃你,
( Tell me the reason to continue living. )
-oral today.
-damn it, period is here,
sry but bear with my nasty temper and moodiness,
for a week. ):
-played with imac during music lesson.
-nothing much happened, i dun wish to post more.
( don't worry, i don't love you. i will let you go if it really makes you feel better, i wouldn't love you if u don't want me too. )
i am currently feeling lost.
pardon me,
i have really gt no place to pour everything out.
♥,
the thought of dashing out of the road,
and say byebye to everybody,
flashed through my mind,
a moment ago,
but i don't wanna die such a ugly death.
i want to die really peaceful, without pain,
die beautifully.
tell me how should i die?
i have never feel this way before,
never.
i don't understand why every single relationship of mine,
friends are always involved.
not just normal friends,
but my dearest girls.
no joke, always.
i am not picking on anybody,
just felt very lost,
i don't know who to trust.
that was somehow a hint to your answer.
somehow, i felt that i shouldn't be bugging you,
i shouldn't be in your friends list,
i shouln't have added you in friendster in the first place,
i shouldn't have msged you,
i shouldn't have added you,
i shouldn't have fall for you,
i shouldn't have be your friend.
i didn't know my existence can cause you so many troubles.
i don't even know you need someone to make me stop loving you.
really.
i am so clueless now,
i wanna give up because i want you to be happy,
to get what you really want.
i don't wanna give up because i really can't,
i had fall too deeply,
and your hands can bring me up once more.
but, i don't wanna your hands to push me away.
i know you would.
i have prepared for it.
today is a slight push from you.
i don't wanna ask,
i don't wanna affect you.
i tell myself to stay strong till your Nlevels are over.
have you realised,
i love you like how you loved her?
and i believe you felt what i am feeling right now.
i call myself silly for holding on so tightly to you,
if i let go, it seems that i had lost my heart.
i am not doing this to get your sympathy.
i believe one day you will go to her,
i don't need her,
i don't need you,
like you don't need me.
i am afraid of you now.
i am afraid i do lose you,
but i am also afraid to hold you.
i don't know how to carry on.
i didn't know she was the one to help you.
i never expected that.
i have no clue whether that's good or bad.
it seems that you feel comfortable with her,
and you started telling her how you feel,
you have never told me anything from the bottom of your heart,
don't you?
you don't have the rights to stop me from loving you,
but i don't have the rights to love you too.
i didn't know things would turn out like this,
i didn't know loving you or going crazy over you
can make you feel irritated or even wanting to
ask someone close to me, to stop me.
my girls are always the ones i tell them how much i love you,
in the end, they are also the ones which make me don't know how to love you.
they are still the ones who was told by you to stop me from loving you.
what is this?
what am i gonna do now?
i wouldn't talk to you anymore,
i will hold myself,
if i think of you,
i will slap myself,
if i dream of you,
i will pinch myself awake,
if i look at you,
i will give myself a knock,
if i love you,
i will dig my heart out.
my heart will be out,
it will never be back again.
i wouldn't know what you both are talking about.
you seems to enjoy it.
i never seen you talked so much,
i never seen you so happy.
if this is what you wanna see,
wanna get from you,
i will grant your wish,
you shalls see this boy,
I HATE YOU,
I DON'T LOVE YOU,
I DON'T NEED YOU,
YOU SUCKS.
if i really mean what i said,
that would be good.
i am sorry.
i still love you.
p/s: TWIN, where are you?
i need you.
i don't have anybody else to talk to.
Labels: 是因为我太爱你♥