You always admire what you really don't understand.
Please love me or I'll be gone.
Jocelyn Tan
23 March 1994
i always fall for anything and everything
that i know its impossible for me to have them.
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Tuesday, August 19, 2008, 8/19/2008 03:01:00 PM
When you're gone
( Did you see how much I need you right now? )
( i shall smile because of you )
FIRST!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WUJIAHUI!
IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY TODAY !
I DIDN'T FORGET K!
HE'S STILL LOVED.
(:
today was fine.
nothing much to blog too.
i think after one week,
i will die due to loss of blood man! -.-
really cannot tahan la!
and people, give me some time.
the first thing i did when i went back to class,
was to erase every single thing on my table.
your name.
my table is clean now.
but it just can't be totally clean,
even the best eraser couldn't erase everything off like this.
do you understand?
it's the same as my heart.
its so impossible to get over you completely.
just one word from you and i gt to give up.
it seems easy,
but not at all.
comforted ppl telling them to forget him/her,
but when it comes to me myself facing this,
i admit,
it isn't easy.
and i never will.
i never blame anyone,
in fact i blame myself.
i dunno why,
but i just seems to have made you feel guilty.
i have never wanted to.
i dun even know this would happen.
but please,
don't worry,
i will be fine,
i will be the jocelyn you used to know,
and you wanted me to be.
i will be happy.
if being happy can really make you happy too,
i don't mind.
i have just so many things to get use to.
i've to get use to,
stop talking about you all day long,
stop scribbling your name on my table,
stop looking out of the window,
stop opening all the window,
stop leaving house early to just see u,
stop waiting for your calls, msges,
stop irritating you,
stop screaming when i see you,
stop arguing with girlfriends how great you are,
stop thinking about you,
stop missing you,
stop calling you senior,
stop crapping with you,
stop getting bullied by you,
stop staying up for you,
stop peeping at you,
stop caring for you,
stop reminding you to eat your meals,
stop asking you to jiayou in studies,
stop hearing you crap,
stop getting stupid faces from you,
stop smiling at you msg,
stop screaming when your screen name pops up,
stop suani-ing you,
stop hearing you sing,
stop hearing you scolding me,
stop getting angry with you,
stop worrying about whether u eaten not,
stop arguing with you whether to buy dinner for you not,
stop consoling you,
stop scolding you,
and i gonna stop loving you.
there's so many things i have to do,
can i be able to make it?
will you be there to support me?
you talked to me,
you apologise so many times,
but please don't apologise if
you dunno how much i love you,
if you don't know how am i feeling now,
if you don't even care.
you are not in fault, really.
actually i realised,
i didn't lost anything at all.
you didn't ignore me,
you didn't leave me,
it's just that i know you don't love me.
so what!
doesn't mean i can't love you,
so...
i don't expect anything from you,
i don't want anything from you too,
i don't know what is it that i want now.
but i have come to a decision.
just let me end of my post with this (from TWIN):
sometimes the best things you can give to someone you love,
is to see happiness in them.
maybe it is a suffer to you,
but at least you can see happiness in your love ones.
p/s: i promised wenwei to get over it soon.
everybody wants to see that SIAO ZHA BOR Jocelyn huh?
(:
p/p/s: thanks TWIN, you teached me alot, you told me alot, you made me understand
alot, i understand myself better, i know what to do now. i didn't know when i
felt so lost, i do think of you, and believe that you can help me. in the
end, you really did. thanks, having you beside me is enough, cos i know
you do support me, you do tell me what to do.
i should be happy with what i have now.
Labels: i'm missing you.