You always admire what you really don't understand.
Please love me or I'll be gone.
Jocelyn Tan
23 March 1994
i always fall for anything and everything
that i know its impossible for me to have them.
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Tuesday, July 05, 2011, 7/05/2011 09:31:00 PM
Losing faith.
I'm beginning to lose faith in everything. Its me, just me, I know. I'm losing faith in my friends,
I'm losing faith in relationships,
I'm losing faith in my studies.
Do you wanna me known as smart or hardworking?
I chose hardworking, being smart is just like a title to me, while hardworking is like a achievement to me.
I mean when after doing well.
You know I don't like it when people say I'm smart, when they label you as that, your results MUST BE CONSISTENT .
even a mark lesser for your next exam, they will think you ARE NOT PUTTING IN EFFORT ANYMORE.
I rather be someone who isn't good at first then suddenly made improvements, I like that feeling better.
Scoring well just makes you more stress.
Just some thoughts, not implying that I did damn good or damn bad for my MST.
Losing faith in friends?
I don't know, I think the problem is me.
And I hate the fact that I know where the problem lies but I'm not doing anything.
But again, I think the problem isn't me when I have thinking like : "if I were them, I will do this, I will say that, blah blah blah..."
I don't feel the love, maybe they don't too. I will work on that, I guess. But if it's just me, then.....
Losing faith in relationships?
I've heard so many people falling out with their partners recently, so many of them.
This is so scary. Couples which I was once so envious of, thought this day wouldn't come for them.
And maybe it's because of movies I watched.
Watched quite a few movies recently, all of them showed how marriages can't be long lasting, showed how they end up going their own seperate ways after less than 10years of marriage.
My ex-colleague, I once envy her so much, to have so much that I thought someone like her wouldn't be able to have. Then recently I found out, she broke up with her bf of 3years, they got engaged when I was still working in december, and now, july, they broke up?
I feel damn sad, because during that time, she was still talking to me about migrating to some country with her bf because he will be going there for business trip.
I don't know the whole story, maybe they didn't broke up? Maybe they will patch?
I just thought this world isn't as wonderful as it seems. And the future might not be something I should look forward to so much.
Maybe it's just all my LACK OF SECURITY that's making me feel this way.
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Labels: faith.